- opinions formed while-u-wait! -

a zit or zits inside your nostril
medical condition

Every once in a while, usually when the rest of my face is breaking out, I'll feel a strange tenderness on the side of my nose without an obvious external blemish to explain it. Well, by now I've learned to recognize the telltale signs, so I just batten down the hatches and wait for the pus-filled storm to arrive.
     Sometimes it appears as a big old whitehead just inside the opening of the nostril -- this least painful example of a Nostril Zit can be easily popped, but it hurts like a titty-twister administered with barbed-wire gloves.
     The other kind never develops a head and HOLY COCK these things are painful. They just sort of expand from the geometric center of one of the fleshy wings of your nose, swelling and hurting. Try to squeeze out some of the pressure-causing liquid and the resulting shockwave will familiarize you with the sensation of being one of Mike Tyson's opponents back when he was a boxer. See, nostril zits always form within some kind of head-essential, nose-based nerve bundle, like symbiote crabs protecting themselves with shells (except what the fuck, because: they're zits, not crabs). Squeeze these at your peril, Kemosabe.
     Since nostril zits do no good in the world, and they bring only pain, they are rated even lower than Tom Robbins.
.0:4. . . . : . . . . :
4/21/2006 • link


Anonymous Jagosaurus said...

Oh my GOD those bastards hurt. And they're right there where everyone can see them. Nice. And really, how is it that those particular zits are attached to the most sensitive parts of the central nervous system? That doesn't seem fair.

4/21/2006 7:34 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...


4/22/2006 1:48 AM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

ew. I've read it... I can't un-read it.

4/22/2006 3:12 PM  

Anonymous candice said...

it's amazing how something so small can ruin an entire week.

my last six days have been nasal hell.

4/22/2006 3:43 PM  

Anonymous candice said...

oh and lets not forget the added pain of getting right to the scratchy drying out phase of a sinus infection. i might as well pick my nose with a steak knife.

4/22/2006 3:45 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

P8N8 serum sorts them out, unless you secretly enjoy the pain of squeezing...

4/23/2006 11:35 AM  

Anonymous stinkeefresh said...

First of all- inner thigh. It's been years, but I can still remember the endless, endless chaffing.

Secondly- you pop zits? I generallly use those cop zip ties on my thumbs to prevent myself from even lightly grazing a zit. Am I on the wrong track here?

4/25/2006 1:58 PM  

Blogger Universal Donor said...

Stinkeefresh. I pop the fuck out of zits, but I am clearly doing the wrong thing. I cannot control myself. You are on the right track, so stay there.

HOWEVER! Blackheads must be removed. Do not let me see your blackheads, because I will back you into a corner and badger you until you let me get rid of them.

4/26/2006 7:23 PM  

Blogger Universal Donor said...

Oh yeah:
Inner thigh what now? Are you talking about inner thigh zits? Cuz that's just crazy, m'man. You are a freak.

No, I'm kidding. I'll have an occasional ingrown hair on my legs, but that's about it. But I'm sure somebody out there feels your pain. Holla!

4/26/2006 7:25 PM  

Blogger tuckova said...

i'm so confused by your ratings that my mind has become a mobius strip. there should be some factoring in whether or not something is volutarily experienced, because for example pedialytes suck ass but you do not have to drink them, whereas nostril zits you have to have (should your nostrils be so inclined) and the forced-ness of them surely means they should rank lower than pedialytes. right?

4/27/2006 7:00 AM  

Blogger Universal Donor said...

Sure, Tuckova, and indeed, I did rate nostril zits (0.4) significantly lower than Pedialyte (4.5)

Am I missing something here? Do the ratings show up funky in certain browsers, or what? Or are you just undersleeping?

4/27/2006 5:35 PM  

Blogger tuckova said...

...it looked like a 4, not a .4. SO much more sense now. i'm going to go take a nap.

4/28/2006 11:16 AM  

Blogger emily said...

so this morning i woke up with one and it hurt severly to the point of almost tears...and i have no clue on how to get rid of it.

thank you fellow bloggers for helping me realize this is a real problem and im not alone.


7/06/2006 6:11 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mine hurts so frekin bad right now!!!!!!! GGaahhh!!!

10/22/2007 10:47 PM  

Anonymous Blista said...

i've got TWO nostril zits right now, which started right after the self-wrought demise of a nostril zit in the front of my left nostril - yes, the artful corner-crack in my greek god face. i think the infection spread to the edges of my nostrils, first to my left inner edge, then to the back RIGHT by the edge of my right nostril. there are actually TWO zits growing together on the inner surface in my left nostril, and the one on the right is an inflamed follicle which is forming BETWEEN my skin and skull nasal opening. they hurt like fuck and i'm on antibiotics BECAUSE too many inflamed nostril zits mean a staph infection.

11/21/2008 8:29 PM  

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rating approximate meaning
10.0Godlike perfection
9.5Mortal perfection
9.0Great! Classic!
8.0Pretty awesome
7.0Good stuff
6.0Don't knock it 'til you try it
5.0Exactly half good and half bad
4.0If it's on sale...
3.0Last resort
2.0You might prefer root canal
1.0Contact could lower your I.Q.
0.0May cause cancer

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